(it was really tasty. I ate a kiwi with it too)
I've decided a couple things these last couple days (and I am a very indecisive person). I have decided to cry when I'm upset, talk about when I'm upset and allow myself to be upset. I've also decided to celebrate little victories and (try) not dwell (as much) on things I cannot change. for example:
bits of happiness:
1- nail polish
2- hot showers
3- love (for all the amazing people in my life. this includes you, dear reader.)
4- no snow
5- good music
some things I cannot change? cramps. its like my body is nervous I'll forget so it keeps reminding me. all I can do is take a tylenol and breathe. another thing? little bruises. one is where the iv didn't work, others from tons of blood tests. I know these won't last long. another thing? uncertainty. yesterday was another day of people calling. after each call, I asked my husband 'what did they say?' everyone said the same things, sweet and thoughtful things. what did I want to hear? I wanted someone to call and say 'I saw you a year from now, things will get better, I promise'. I know things will get better, I just want a pinky swear that they will, an unbreakable contract stating this. and lastly? jealousy. jealous of people who are talking about fun things, thinking about fun things. I need to stop this. I need to be happy for them. things will get better. they will, that's what I've decided is true. I guess that is just as good as a pinky swear.
It's wonderful to see that you are finding the little things that bring you happiness. It's also wonderful to see that you are taking the time to mourn and grieve. I think sometimes people forget how important the process is to getting healthy in the long run. So keep it up! It will get better and you are a wonderful lady!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could pinky swear all of those things for you. But I can pinky swear that we'll be here listening/reading when you have a tough day. And things will get better, because you'll make them better- you've already started :)
ReplyDeleteWith that attitude, I can pinky swear to you that it will.
ReplyDeleteI love, love avocado and Laughing Cow sandwiches!
Keep trying too look on the positive side. I know there is so much pain right now, but I know it will get better. I just know it. Sending more hugs.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about feeling happy for other people right now. Eff them.
ReplyDeleteNext year will be better. YOU will be better. And the year after that will be better still. Pinky swear.
In 2008, my son almost died and my marriage did. It's taken me 3 years. There were good things; there were moments when I thought I was normal again, and then I would fall apart. Into little tiny pieces. This year really is different, better.
Pinky swear.
I am glad that you are taking time to grieve. It is a process that goes forward and backwards, but mostly forward. And the cramps stayed with me for a few days, gradually getting better. If they don't call your new doctor.
ReplyDeleteThe pain of my miscarriage is not gone a few months out but the sharpness has faded. I'm not sure if it ever goes away completely.
HEY! I saw you a year from now and you were all better!
ReplyDeleteNo worries. I've found that in my family as well..people don't seem to know me very well when it comes to tragedies and coping...it's hard though, so keep an open heart, no? Just a thought.
Also, that recipe sounds FAB. I might have to try it for sure. Love its title :)